Jennifer Abidor

The show isn’t called “The Secret Life of the American Adults” so why do these grownups get so much screen time? The adults on this show are just plain weird.

There’s Betty, the “hooker” who hides her belongings in a book and says things like “coinci-dink.” There’s George and Anne, the on-again off-again Juergens parents who forgot their own daughter’s birthday (leading to an egregious 16 Candles reference.) There’s Mr. Fields, the shrink/father of Lauren with marital issues that we just don’t care about. There’s Madison’s dad who freaks out about “ORAL SEX” and hated her enough to name her Madison Mildred Cooperstein. And then, of course, there’s Mr. Boykewich, Sausage King, father and husband to crazy Betty.

But, enough about the grown-ups, let’s focus on those teens. Adrian and Ben bond this week over Betty’s tacky sapphire ring and the realization that they will be having a little Boykewich (or, girlkewich… haha, get it?) Nick Zano is the newest hot gyno, and he is way too involved in Ben’s life. Ricky attempts to deal with his sex addiction, and fails miserably upon being seduced by the random blonde we met a few episodes back. Grace is really into Grant, and considering engaging in oral sex with him. (This show really likes talking about oral sex.) Jack and Madison can’t see each other anymore because of…you guessed it…oral sex, and she and Lauren are subjected to summer school and work at the food court. Ashley’s still a little bitch, and Amy finally got home from baby mama music camp. But, will she be able to forgive Ricky for his incontrollable libido? Find out next week on Secret Life’s season finale where you’re sure to find sex, romance and tons of dramatic music.