Emily Farra

Lawrence Durrell once said “It is not love that is blind, but jealousy.” Word.  When jealousy rears its ugly head in a relationship, the resulting melodrama can be enough to call it quits.

Girls, are you fed up by your immature boyfriends’ annoying female friends? Guys, do you find yourselves suddenly insecure and overprotective when you see your girlfriends (gasp) being friendly to other boys? If your answer is yes (and let’s face it, it probably is) check out these tips for keeping the anxiety to a minimum:

1. GET ALL THE FACTS

Writing your partner off as a lying meanie before you figure out the whole story will just make you look silly!  And crazy. So your bf got a few texts from a female friend? Maybe it’s about something boring and completely platonic—like homework.  Or that stupid emo band they both like. This girl you’ve turned into a raging-psycho-boyfriend-stealer in your head might really just be interested in being your boo’s new pal. Tell your mate how you feel and ask them to be honest with you about their coed friendships—chances are you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

2. DON’T OVERREACT

Even if your boyfriend/girlfriend seems shady, having a screaming match will only make things worse. Enter once again: crazy bitch.  You need to avoid having a meltdown until you really know what’s up (see above).  Just tell your boyfriend or girlfriend you’re curious about their recent behavior and ask if he or she is truly committing to your relationship.  Being jealous enough to freak out will not only drive your partner away, but also leave you feeling more insecure than ever.

3. DON’T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS

Jealousy will blur your vision! Channel the rational and reasonable person inside you. Before deciding what you want to do, listen to your mate’s side of the story and keep your cool—show him or her why you’re the fabulous gf/bf they want to hold onto.

4.DON’T SEEM INSECURE

Nothing is less attractive.  Do you really want your bf/gf to see you in that unflattering light? Maintaining your confidence will show them you’re just a little concerned rather than flat-out jealous.  This is a perfect way to display your personal commitment to the relationship, something he or she will definitely acknowledge and appreciate.

On the flip side…

5.DON’T BE AN ENABLER

So your boyfriend or girlfriend is looking a tad green in the eyes? Don’t aggravate the situation by doing things that will solidify their nagging fears, like getting flirty at a party.  Sure, maybe you feel flattered and a little empowered by their jealousy—they must really be into you if they’re acting this way, right? Yes, but it’s time to be a mature adult!

Last but not least, if your boyfriend or girlfriend is acting way too jealous and it’s too much to handle, maybe it’s time to go your separate ways.  Your relationship should be about having fun and loving each other, and that means trusting each other too!  If one of you just can’t find it in your heart to truly trust the other, there’s not much else you can do.  It’s normal to be a little insecure at the beginning of a relationship, but if you want to take it to the next level with your main squeeze you need to always voice your concerns in a mature and rational way. Jealousy doesn’t have to be the thing that ruins your relationship before it can reach its full potential!