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Dena Kronfield

“Condoms are the glass slipper of our generation. You put it on when you meet a stranger, you… dance all night, and then you throw it away. The stranger — not the condom.”

- Marla Singer, Fight Club

If condoms truly are the glass slipper of our generation, then we have many styles to choose from.  With so many different types of condoms on the market, we are free to select between the latex equivalents of stilettos, ballet flats, flip-flops, and countless other styles.

Below is an unofficial, unendorsed, unscientific guide to help you select some of the best (and avoid some of the worst) condoms on the market these days.

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Sexy Stilettos: Trojan-ENZ with spermicidal lubricant

Just like a sexy pair of stilettos that look amazing, and are somehow comfortable, these condoms appear have everything: lubrication for comfort and spermicidal lubricant for that little extra peace of mind.

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Every Day Flats: Lifestyles Ultra Lubricated Condoms

Think of these condoms like your plain pair of nondescript black flats.  Not much to look at, nothing special, but they do in a pinch.

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Souped-Up Sneakers: Crown Skin Less Skin Studded

Crown manufactures a studded condom, which is supposed to give more pleasure and increase sensitivity during sex.  Guess what?  It doesn’t work.

To picture its disappointing ineffectiveness, think of all those sneaker commercials you’ve ever seen.  The voice-over might tell you how the shape of the shoe has been researched for prime aerodynamic ability, the soles might have been coated with kevlar to make them extra strong, it’s endorsed by a major athlete, etc.  In the end, though, you realize it’s just a sneaker.

I spoke with a few friends about their experiences using studded condoms, and all had with the same conclusion: they couldn’t feel a difference.

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Cheap Shower Shoes: Durex Unlubricated

A friend of mine described using these much better than I ever could have.

“Think like this,” she said.  “Scrape, scrape, rip, scrape, tear, rip.”

Ouch.

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Remember, like shoes, condoms come in many different brands, styles, shapes, flavors, and colors.  Trying to find the right one for you and your partner can feel a little overwhelming, since there are so many choices.  The best thing to do, though, is to keep trying out different types until you find one that makes both of you happy.

Scientific experimentation and comparison seems like a totally legitimate reason to have sex. And after all that, if the shoe fits—wear it!