Ilana Jacqueline

Dear John,

I know I just saw you in February. Clearly the reason you scheduled another concert here in September was so that we could gaze at each other once more from across the stadium.

I mean, it’s just so darn obvious that the impetus for writing Battle Studies was due to the angst you experienced from not being able to see my smiling face each morning.

Never fear, I’ve got my tickets for September. I’ve got my MARRY ME JOHN MAYER T-shirt, my phone number and email plastered on a large poster.

My boyfriend will be so humiliated to be in my company that evening that I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time together while he skulks around the stadium muttering something about upping my dosage.

I know you’ve concocted some clever ruse to keep our love affair a secret. But a whole tour, just so it’s inconspicuous that you stop in my neighborhood along the way? That might have been overkill.

Stay strong, John. Not even forty rows of belligerent fans singing “Your Body is a Wonderland” can silence our love.

Check out John Mayer’s new video for “Half of My Heart” (Its about that time I left him at the altar after the interview with Playboy–don’t worry, babe. I’ll always come back.)

Ilana Jacqueline, Editor-in-Chief

Ilana Jacqueline is the editor-in-chief of Today’s Teen Online. She’s in love with John Mayer, sushi, and can be found drunk on power and sleeping on her keyboard. You can reach her at editor@todaysteenonline.com.